AT&T Sues Clifford

Bridwell Island (FP) - It seems now that Clifford, one of the more responsible of the giant creatures, has stepped in hot water for the first time ever. To date he has not crushed any cars or damaged any houses. However, most Bridwell Island residents have suffered a recent cell phone outage for all GSM carriers, mainly T-Mobile and AT&T. CDMA carriers such as Verizon and Sprint have not been affected. Both T-Mobile and AT&T have claimed that there was vandalism at the site and that they were not directly responsible. Now AT&T alone has done studies on the shared tower and now blame the island's mascot, Clifford, to be the sole perpetrator. They demand over $3 million in settlements or to have the dog euthanized with no third option. "This is another example of corporate politics gone horribly wrong," claims Politico analyst, "They know that the City of Bridwell Island wouldn't let the dog die, but they're willing to put his life at stake over damages that they can more than afford." The experts weren't the only ones outraged.

"This is an outrage," said Emily-Elizabeth Howard, who owns the dog. "It's not his fault. He didn't know that the tower was privately owned." Her parents are set to testify in court, with lawyers paid in part by the Humane Society. Animal rights activists will also be ready to testify with their own law studies. Organizations such as the Center for American Progress, Greenpeace, Moveon.org, Harvard College and the ACLU are siding with Clifford and will be at the hearing.

Henry, an anthropomorphic dog with snow-white fur from Minneapolis, has interpreted Clifford's side of the story using animal telepathy. "He's very upset and guilty when I told him how important the tower was. He wishes he could help out in repairing the equipment but when I told him about the lawsuit he started to freak out. He's done community service for many years, most notably his aid with the offshore windmills that power most of the island, and knowing that he can do nothing about it is very troublesome." He also told us that he, too, would help search out legal documents and will be one of the lawyers, although he is prone to becoming violent. "There's one thing you press guys should quote right here and right now: nothing is going to happen to Clifford or his family. We are united in this effort and we will make them suffer. If we can get through with the countersuit then I can finally avenge the death of my girlfriend once and for all." The fire in his eyes tells us that he is not kidding.